Before I moved to the apartment, my bad mood was sometimes terrorising our house. I was holding my husband and kids hostage, as I was trying to control a crisis I called “cleaning up.”
I made war to make peace.
I was desperately trying to apply the recipe I had learned to create love and peace in my life: when things are tidy and orderly and every day things are easy to do then I feel love and peace. inside.
But I was just as unapproachable as I found the mess and chaos to be.
When my husband came home to my volatile mood I was just as unapproachable as I find him to be when I come home to a messy house or him snoring in bed with kids fully dressed.
Yesterday I came home and found him that exact same way, just in my apartment. I thought: this is impossible we just can’t connect!
I wrote a long, pity party text message about all the things I did and all the things he didn’t do.
The I remembered I always coach my clients to get out of their pity parties!
So, I decided to practice what I preach. I deleted the message.
I felt like giving up and breaking the whole thing off. I felt I was living in a fantasy love relationship that only existed in my mind and not in real life.
That’s when it dawned on me…again! I didn’t need him to clean up or do this or do that.
What I really needed was just emotional and physical connection.
This is when I realized… The #1 relationship mistake I see women making Is trying to fix an emotional problem with a practical solution.