You can’t fix your relationship from the outside in

Before I moved to the apartment, my bad mood was sometimes terrorising our house. I was holding my husband and kids hostage, as I was trying to control a crisis I called “cleaning up.”
I made war to make peace.
I was desperately trying to apply the recipe I had learned to create love and peace in my life: when things are tidy and orderly and every day things are easy to do then I feel love and peace. inside.
But I was just as unapproachable as I found the mess and chaos to be.
When my husband came home to my volatile mood I was just as unapproachable as I find him to be when I come home to a messy house or him snoring in bed with kids fully dressed.
Yesterday I came home and found him that exact same way, just in my apartment. I thought: this is impossible we just can’t connect!
I wrote a long, pity party text message about all the things I did and all the things he didn’t do.
The I remembered I always coach my clients to get out of their pity parties!
So, I decided to practice what I preach. I deleted the message.
I felt like giving up and breaking the whole thing off. I felt I was living in a fantasy love relationship that only existed in my mind and not in real life.
That’s when it dawned on me…again! I didn’t need him to clean up or do this or do that.
What I really needed was just emotional and physical connection.
This is when I realized… The #1 relationship mistake I see women making Is trying to fix an emotional problem with a practical solution. 

 

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1 Comment

  1. Yes, i love your openess. That you are willing to put your own life on public display, in order to learn lessons and to teach lessons to others. I think what your trying to say in this instance, is that we get wired or patterned to act a certain way. Here you had a need to go to war in order to get to peace. What if you could be present in peace and learn to stay there, no correction, no fixing. You are perfect & loved just as you are, iIr seems to me the work is on acceptance and letting go (of old patterning)…

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