The number one problem I see woman making is trying to solve our relationship problems with an intellectual approach.
Instead of realizing we are being lead by insecurity, our rational mind swoops in with a cover-up saying: “I can’t live like this” or “I have tried everything”.
Our brain interrupts us with some form of sense and logic.
Notice when you hear your self think or say:
“But we have to be able to ….”
“I have to be able to ……”
“We have to be able to talk about ….”
The challenging part is interrupting what I call the intellectual cover-up….. or to put it frankly our justification for acting in a way we deep down know is not getting us closer to the connection we want.
Here is the solution to the problem:
Being 100 % honest with ourselves.
It’s hard to do, especially without critical feedback.
I just got off the phone with a client who had experienced something painful, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach.
She was making so many great points as to why she was in the right and he was in the wrong.
I had to interrupt her and say “if you are being honest, wouldn’t you agree that insecurity was driving you?”
If I wasn’t paid to be brutally honest in order to change her life. I would just have nodded my head and said yes I was almost enrolled.
She had to admit “Yes” but if our brain is not interrupted, it will keep making intellectual cover up stories that do not serve us.
Whatever we react to in our love relationship, it is merrily a symbol, that hits our soft spot: insecurity.
It makes us wonder “does he really love me?”, or “can we ever live together in peace?”
These questions never come when we have just made love and are connected.
It is when we are disconnected we doubt.
You are either making love, or making war. To Choose Love, you have to be 100 % honest with yourself.