How real you dare to get with someone is a choice
We always have a choice. But when we lash out, it feels like we are out of control. A trigger only lasts a few seconds. It is up to you what stories you choose to tell yourself or your surroundings right after or right before.
We choose to make excuses for what is about to happen. We blame our partner or kids inside our outside our head. We tell yourself stories about “how could he act so wrong” and “how could he do this to me.” Just before we lash out.
Here is the deal: We could just as well choose honesty and love.
How do you do that? Just Get real about how you feel: is it pity, jealousy, vengefulness, spite, insecurity?
What is the underlying emotion driving your behaviour? Is it love?
All you need to do is choose honesty once! Start practising and make honesty and vulnerability a habit.
Once we peel through the layers it comes down to insecurity and our first meeting with love our mother and father. There is nothing new under the sun, we all have the same insecurities. How we chose to respond to them is what set us apart and determines the success of our relationships.
After we act bad we “automatically” make excuses that justify our behaviour. We go straight to defence (which in this case is offence) because deep down we know we just acted poorly and it hurt the ones we loved. It feels to painful to see it, so we do everything we can not to look at it. We chose to prolong that uncomfortable sad feeling.
Remember this about choice…
- When you feel powerless you are tied up in a web of your own bad stories.
- Bad stories are excuses that justify bad behaviour: anything that disconnects you from your loved ones.
- You can choose honesty anytime and get back your power!
Life on the other side feels so empowering even when I fail I know it is an opportunity to grow a deeper bond with my partner.
However we have to bust all our excuses for bad behaviour. And be willing to look bad in order to feel good. And it does feel so good and liberating to go through the steps you are about to learn!
It made me transform from feeling like a victim that my husband hurt on purpose, to knowing I always have a choice!
I can always choose to Make Love, Not War at any time.
I still fail and recommit that’s part of learning but I know I always have that choice.